


Finding our place in the world.

by demonramsey



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, thekingandhisrose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3570044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonramsey/pseuds/demonramsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>GTAV AU.<br/>After betraying the fake AH crew and beginning work for a rival crew trying to take control of Los Santos, Ryan is faced with staring regret in the face every time he’s in a firefight with the fake AH crew, specifically, Ray. He’d up and left and broke the lad’s heart. Can he, with the help of Ray, convince the crew to take him back, or will he be left alone and heartbroken or will he find his place in the world with Ray?<br/>a/n: it switches between Ryan and Ray’s point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I need you

**Author's Note:**

> It will switch between Ryan and Ray's point of view. 
> 
> Raywood is the main focus, with mentions to Gavin/Meg, Michael/Lindsay, Jack/Caiti, and Geoff/Griffon
> 
> I'll try to update every day if possible, if it's a gap between updates, shoot me a message and let me know that you want an update! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m lonely Ryan.” He whispered. “Michael’s got Lindsay, Gavin’s got Meg, Jack’s got Caiti, and Geoff’s got Griffon. I’m alone. I have no one. I had you, but then you disappeared, and I had no one, and I need someone, I can’t stand being-” I quickly cut him off by pressing our lips together once more. If he needed someone, I would be the one he needed, because I needed him.

[Ryan’s POV]  
I knew I would come to regret walking away from the Fake AH Crew. I just didn’t understand how yet. It wasn’t until I was standing in the middle of a fire fight with them that I fully understood how. I was firing off bullets repeatedly at the others, watching my new crew drop like flies. Damn, Ray was sniping somewhere and I couldn’t find him. I spun around quickly in a hurried attempt to spot him. He was always a good shot, and even though he cared for me at one point, it wasn’t gonna stop him from putting a bullet in my head, especially since I was part of a crew trying to take control of Los Santos from Fake AH Crew.

Ducking under a bullet right after I spotted the Puerto Rican, I took off running towards my place. I didn’t know where else to go, I couldn’t go to 636, and I wasn’t about to go see Ray. So, figuring it was better to lay low, my place was better. Pulling the mask off my head, I tossed it onto the counter and went into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I pushed food aside and grabbed a beer, setting it on the counter and then dug out food. Because I was here more often than the hide out of my new crew, I kept the fridge well stocked. Taking tonight’s choice of cold pizza out of the fridge, I sat down on my couch and began eating. 

I’d apparently been zoning out because I jumped when my phone rang. Standing, I answered it. “Haywood.” I said out of habit. The voice on the other end of the line shocked me, “Ryan.” Ray said, he sounded like he was drunk, or just really upset. “Ray, what’s up?” I asked. “Can we meet up?” He asked. I chewed my lip for a moment. Was this some kind of set up to put a bullet in my head? After a moment, I finally decided to answer him. “Alright, where do you want to meet?” I asked. There was a moment of silence before there was an “I’m on my way to your place” and a click.

Hanging up the phone, I waited for him to knock on the door. Once I heard it, I answered and no sooner than did I answer it, was I pressed against a wall, Ray’s mouth on mine. When I finally had a chance to breath, I took a deep breath. “Ray what’s going on?” I asked, staring down at him. Ray clung to me, his fingers curled in my shirt. “I’m lonely Ryan.” He whispered. “Michael’s got Lindsay, Gavin’s got Meg, Jack’s got Caiti, and Geoff’s got Griffon. I’m alone. I have no one. I had you, but then you disappeared, and I had no one, and I need someone, I can’t stand being-” I quickly cut him off by pressing our lips together once more. If he needed someone, I would be the one he needed, because I needed him.


	2. You need me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You need me, Ryan.” I whispered, and I knew by the look in his eye, it was true.

[Ray’s POV]  
I swore to myself I’d make Ryan regret leaving fake AH crew, even if it meant putting a bullet in his head. Jack had dropped me off before they went to fight the rival gang, I was in a good spot and I had a great view of what was going on. I kept low, and made sure to stay quiet. Looking down the scope on my rifle, I started taking out the people around Ryan one by one. He wouldn’t be able to find me for a while, so it was perfect, it gave me a chance to line up my shot with his head. He spotted me right as I pulled the trigger. Sitting up, I quickly vacated the area, picking up my brass before running down to meet with Jack once more.

I wasn’t sure where Ryan took off to after I shot him, and if it was 636 I was gonna be the one to shoot him personally. I was still angry at him, I can remember when it happened as clear as day…  
(Ray’s flashback, still set in his point of view as part of the story)  
I knew something was off with Ryan, but I didn’t bother to ask him about it, because something was always off with Ryan. But what I would find the next morning I never thought I’d see. We’d gone to bed normally that night, I’d curled up against Ryan, because it was the only way I’d been able to sleep for a while. Of course, I was out like a light within a few minutes, and I’d wish I had woken up that night when I felt movement. Ryan had crawled out of bed, like he normally did when after I fell asleep, and I’d just assumed that he was going to his room to change and come back, like normal. I thought he’d returned later in the night than usual. But when I woke that morning, Ryan wasn’t in my room, so I went to see if he’d stayed in his room, when I opened the door I suddenly wished I hadn’t. His room was empty, no clothes, no weapons, no bedding, and no Ryan. I felt like I was gonna be sick. Turning away from the room, I set a hand over my mouth. I felt like I was going to be sick, and I wanted to cry on top of it all. I certainly didn’t want to get sick, because that meant that I would be cooped up in the same place where I’d just had my heart broken, so I settled on crying. No one in the crew had ever seen me cry. No one saw me cry when Tina left me, and no one was going to see me cry over Ryan. Or, that’s what I thought anyway. Because I started crying the moment Geoff came around the corner in search for Ryan. “Ray?” He asked. I looked over my shoulder. “He’s gone, Geoff.” I choked out. “Ryan’s gone.” Geoff stared at me and the tears on my face, and I saw the fire in his eyes, the anger and betrayal. That’s when I knew Ryan was a dead man.

When I snapped back to reality and realized that I was standing in 636, I saw everyone was with their respective other half, and I wanted to cry once more, with shaking hands I pulled out my phone and stepped outside to dial Ryan.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot as it rang. I felt a rush of relief when I heard “Haywood” come from Ryan’s mouth. “Ryan.” I said, trying to keep from allowing my voice to crack. “Ray, what’s up?” He asked. “Can we meet up?” I asked. There was a long moment of silence before he answered me “Alright, where do you want to meet?” He asked. I fell silent for a moment, I knew where Ryan’s place was, considering he and I had escaped there one too many times to get away from the crew when we wanted alone time. “I’m on my way to your place.” I said and hung up. 

After the ten minute walk, I was knocking on Ryan’s door, shifting my weight from foot to foot. When he opened the door, I rushed inside and pressed him against the wall, connecting our lips. When he finally had the chance to pull away he spoke. “Ray, what’s going on?” he asked, staring down at me. I clung to him, fingers curling into his shirt. “I’m lonely Ryan.” I whispered. “Michael’s god Lindsay, Gavin’s got Meg, Jack’s got Caiti, and Geoff’s got Giffon. I’m alone. I have no one. I had you, but then you disappeared, and I had no one, and I need someone, I can’t stand being—” Ryan cut me off quickly by pressing our lips together one more. He knew I needed someone and I was thankful, because he needed me. 

I pulled away from his mouth and panted. “You need me, Ryan.” I whispered, and I knew by the look in his eye, it was true.


	3. I promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I promise you I will find a way to come home.” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead.   
> And just like that, I had fallen back in love with Ray Narvaez Jr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter three!   
> I wasn't sure how to go about it, but I finally figured it out. Are you guys enjoying it?   
> I hope so, Ryan's chapters may be shorter than Ray's, but I'm working on lengthening them.   
> Like always, Read and Review <3

[Ryan’s POV]  
“You need me, Ryan.” was the first thing out of Ray’s mouth after we separated. I couldn’t actually deny it, because well, he was right. I did need him, I needed Ray so bad it hurt me. I knew he saw it in my eyes, because he reached up and touched my face shortly after I nodded. “I do need you, Ray. I need you so bad it hurts.” I whispered to him. Right then and there, everything I knew, felt, and saw was Ray. I must have blacked out in pleasure because when I came back to reality I was laying with Ray, our limbs tangled and him asleep. Glancing to the clock behind me, I saw it was nearly 3 am. Deciding on trying to get a bit of sleep, I closed my eyes and dozed off quickly. 

I half expected Ray to be gone when I woke up the next morning, but to my surprise, he still had his head buried in my neck and was snoring softly. Not wanting to disturb the other, I laid still until he woke up. When he finally blinked awake, I couldn’t help but smile, he was still breath taking even with bed head. I watched him glance at the clock, dropping his head to the pillow next to my head, laughing. 

“I’m so boned if Geoff finds out.” He said, sitting up, keeping the blanket pooled around his waist.   
“Why would you be boned?” I asked, sitting up as well.   
“You’re a traitor to the crew, Rye.” He said, messing with his hair some before dropping his hands. “You left us.” He added.  
“I know.” I said, sighing as I ran a hand through my hair. 

Reaching over behind Ray, I grabbed the hair tie I used and pulled my hair back. I used to cut my hair, but after Ray told me he liked my long hair I stopped cutting it. I had intended to get it cut shortly after leaving the Fake AH Crew, but I felt like cutting it would be losing the part of myself. The part of myself that was still connected with Ray. I felt a shift in the bed and it took me a moment to realize that Ray was in my lap with his head buried in my neck. 

“Talk to me, Ray.” I said, softly.   
“Come home.” He whispered.   
‘Is Ray crying?’ I thought. 

My question was answered shortly by the tears that followed the thought, as well as the tremble from Ray. Falling silent, I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. I wanted to return to 636, but I knew the minute I walked through the door, someone would put a bullet through my head, and something in my gut was telling me it would be Geoff that did it. It took Ray sometime to calm down, but when he did, he stood up and dressed. I stayed sitting on the bed and watched him. My eyes studied the scars on him, we all had our fair share of scars. From bullet wounds to knife wounds. 

I finally stood up and dressed, leading Ray to the front room. We stood by the front door, staring at each other. I set a hand on his face, a smile on my face.   
“I promise you I will find a way to come home.” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead.   
And just like that, I had fallen back in love with Ray Narvaez Jr.


	4. Let the drama begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I must have been on some emotional black out, because when I woke again, I was back at Ryan’s place. I looked around the bedroom for Ryan, but didn’t see him. Glancing to the clock, I saw it was nearly noon, so I knew he was already up and being active. I climbed out of bed and tugged one of Ryan’s shirts over my head, I knew my clothes were folded on a chair thanks to Ryan, but I had no plans on going back to 636 for a while now that I was here with Ryan. Once I entered the living room, I spotted Ryan and sat down next to him on the couch, pressing close to his side. I had no idea that the drama was just beginning to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4!  
> Yay!  
> So this is the drama from Ray's side, so it's REALLY long.  
> Wait til you see it from Ryan's side.  
> Like always read and review <3

[Ray’s POV]  
“I do need you, Ray. I need you so bad it hurts.” Ryan whispered to me, it was in that moment I knew that everything we both, knew, felt, and saw was each other. The last thing I remember is falling back on the bed, because after that I blacked out in pleasure. I came back to reality just before I fell asleep, curled up against Ryan. Suddenly, it was like we were at 636 and nothing had changed. But things had changed, and I knew I needed to accept that, but there was something in me that wouldn’t let me, because that part of me was still in love with him.

I had planned to be gone when Ryan woke, to avoid trouble with the rest of the crew, but I stayed anyway, because that would have made me feel like a traitor to him. Shifting some, I buried my face into Ryan’s neck and settled back down just before he woke up. When I finally woke up, I chanced a glance to Ryan who was smiling. Of course he was smiling, he always did when I had bed head. Glancing at the clock, I saw it read nearly 10 am, I dropped my head to the pillow that Ryan was laying on and laughed. 

“I’m so boned if Geoff finds out.” I said, sitting up, keeping a hold on the blanket so it stayed around my waist.  
“Why would you be boned?” Ryan asked, sitting up.  
“You’re a traitor to the crew, Rye.” I said, messing with my hair before I dropped my hands, the nick name felt strange on my tongue, but it also felt good to use again. “You left us.” I added.  
“I know.” He said, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. 

I watched him reach behind me for his hair tie he used to keep his hair back. He used to cut it, but after I told him I enjoyed it long, he stopped. I wondered for some time after he left if he had plans to get it cut, but clearly if he did he abandoned them because he felt like he’d lose his last connection to me. Shifting, I crawled into Ryan’s lap, burying my head into his neck closing my eyes. I wanted him to come home so badly, but nothing I said would convince the crew to let him come back, and that upset me. It took me a few minutes to register that Ryan had said something to me. 

“Talk to me Ray.” He said softly.  
“Come home.” I whispered. 

My reply was followed by tears and a tremble. I felt Ryan wrap his arms around me to hold me and console me. He didn’t have to speak aloud for me to understand that he wanted to come back to 636, but Geoff wasn’t a very forgiving man when it came to traitors. The last guy to betray us ended up with no id and no traces of him ever existing, thanks to the cops we’d convinced to work with us. It took me about 30 minutes to calm down, but once I was calmed down, I stood and dressed in silence. I felt Ryan’s eyes on me, looking at all the scars. More than once before I was in the Fake AH Crew did I end up in knife fights.  
I waited for Ryan to dress before he lead me out and to the front room, I set my hand on the door handle, reluctant to go. We stood there staring at each other for a moment before I felt Ryan set his hand on my face, a smile on his face.  
“I promise you I will find a way to come home.” He whispered, kissing my forehead. 

I left his place with a smile, heading back to 636. Once more I was in love with James Ryan Haywood, and I didn’t want to fall out of love with him anytime soon. When I walked into 636, I was immediately cornered by Geoff.

“You son of a bitch, you went and saw Ryan last night.” He said, I knew that wasn’t a question. Had he seen me leave?  
“Geoff you don’t understand I—.” I was cut off by him pinning me against the wall.  
“You son of a bitch. You went and saw that traitor, after what he did to you! To us!” He yelled in my face.  
“You don’t understand! He wants to come back, apologize!” I yelled back.  
No one in the crew had yet to do something as drastic as yelling at Geoff yet, and I just happened to be ballsy enough to do it, even if it resulted in him and I sparring in the living room, which led to him winning and me ending up with cuts and bruises. I was sitting in the bathroom, looking miserable while Jack tended to my wounds. 

“I believe you, you know.” Jack said, which startled me. No one, not even Michael and Gavin believed me.  
“It’s nice someone does.” I said, glancing away from Jack. “He never stated it directly, but I can sense it. I just… I know Ryan.” I added.  
“You know Ryan better than any of us.” He said. “That’s a natural understanding between all of us here.” He added. 

I knew he was right, everyone knew that so why didn’t anyone believe me? Was it because Ryan was a traitor and they all wanted him dead? That thought shook me to my very core and it made me want to do nothing more than cry. I pushed the thought back enough to keep tears out of my eyes and stood up when Jack finished. Leaving everyone else to socialize with their loved ones, I went up to the room I once shared with Ryan and opened the window and dropped to the fire escape after grabbing a few blankets. I spread two on the escape and sat down, wrapping myself in the last one. It wasn’t cold in Los Santos, but I was a cold natured person, so I wanted to stay warm. 

I must have been on some emotional black out, because when I woke again, I was back at Ryan’s place. I looked around the bedroom for Ryan, but didn’t see him. Glancing to the clock, I saw it was nearly noon, so I knew he was already up and being active. I climbed out of bed and tugged one of Ryan’s shirts over my head, I knew my clothes were folded on a chair thanks to Ryan, but I had no plans on going back to 636 for a while now that I was here with Ryan. Once I entered the living room, I spotted Ryan and sat down next to him on the couch, pressing close to his side. I had no idea that the drama was just beginning to start.


	5. More drama and a heart break!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I finally found myself able to move again, I simply moved back to the couch and sat down, setting my hands over my face. Forcing myself to calm down, I finally stood up and went into the bathroom. Applying my normal coat of face paint, I grabbed a few guns, my mask, and a knife. I wasn’t just going to sit around and cry, I was going to go out and get myself arrested, to me that was better than sitting in the place where I had my heart broken by the only person that could put me back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to go up yesterday, but I was having issues with ao3.   
> So, here's chapter five.   
> Chapter six will be up soon.

[Ryan’s POV]  
After Ray left, I settled down on my couch and began cleaning all my weapons. Something was telling me that a war was about to break out between myself and the Fake AH Crew, and Ray was going to be right in the middle of it. He was going to have to choose a side, and I knew that. Did I want him to choose my side? Yes. Was I going to be hurt if he chose the AH Crew? Yes. But the choice was all Ray’s. Once I was done cleaning all my guns, I put them back in their respective places and picked up my knives. I needed to let out some anger, so I figured target practice would help. 

Once I was down stairs in my garage, I began throwing my knives one right after the other in succession, hitting the bull’s-eye almost every time. Pulling them free from the target, I did it once more, throwing, hitting, repeat. It was a natural rhythm for me, I was a mad man to Los Santos. Eventually I grew bored with it and went back upstairs, wiping the sweat off my forehead. I put the knives back in their respective places and grabbed something to eat. I stood next to the window and looked out over Los Santos. Some days I felt like I wanted a fresh start, others I felt fine.

I had been minding my own business when I heard the knock on my door. I checked the time and raised a brow. Who was visiting me at 2 in the morning? I went and answered the door, and I was shocked to see Ray. He looked miserable and though he’d gotten into a bar fight on the way over here.

“Ray, what’s the matter?” I asked, concerned.

“Ryan, I can’t stay there right now, tensions between Geoff and I are high…” He said, shifting his weight. 

Something told me he wasn’t going to remember this conversation, but I let him in anyway. Once he was inside, he sat down on the couch and dropped his head to his hands. I stood in silence for a long moment before I sat down. I pulled him over to me and wrapped my arms around him. He settled his head on my shoulder and sat there until he started dozing off.

“Hey, Ray. C’mon.” I said. “Let’s move to the bedroom.” I added.

“Carry me?” He mumbled. 

Sighing and giving in, I picked him up and carried him towards the bedroom. Laying him on the bed, I coaxed him out of his clothes and dropped them into a pile on the floor. I laid back with him, making sure he was good and asleep before I stood up and washed his clothes. Folding them, I sat them on a chair I kept in my room and laid down to get even just a few hours’ sleep. Around 9 or 10 am, I got up and moved to the living room to let Ray get some sleep.

Ray joined me in the living room around noon, sitting close to my side. He didn’t say anything during the whole time we were on the couch, he just stared at the TV. After a moment, Ray stood to get dressed and came back in just as I opened up the door to reveal the rest of the crew, Geoff at the front of them, looking angry. I stepped back and discreetly grabbed a knife to defend myself, in case they attacked. With a raised gun, Geoff stepped forward, staying silent for a moment before he narrowed his eyes.

“You listen to me Ryan Haywood. You so much as /ever/ set foot on 636 property, I’ll blow your brains out.” He said, looking to Ray.

Glancing between Ray and Geoff, I kept my hands raised in the air. I knew Ray was about to have to make a choice. He stepped into the room quietly, hanging his head as he crossed to the side of the room that the crew was on. As I watched him cross to their side, I felt my heart break. The choice was made. I saw where Ray’s loyalties were, and they clearly weren’t with me. I watched Geoff lower his gun and everyone turned to leave. And just like that, I was left standing with a broken heart.

When I finally found myself able to move again, I simply moved back to the couch and sat down, setting my hands over my face. Forcing myself to calm down, I finally stood up and went into the bathroom. Applying my normal coat of face paint, I grabbed a few guns, my mask, and a knife. I wasn’t just going to sit around and cry, I was going to go out and get myself arrested, to me that was better than sitting in the place where I had my heart broken by the only person that could put me back together.


	6. Wake up, Ryan, Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hearing Ryan repeat back some of my words drew a laugh from me. He’d heard what I said. I’d gotten through to him and he woke up, I woke Ryan up and that felt amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter six.  
> Let me know what you think!  
> I'm not sure how many more chapters I'll do, but I am enjoying writing this story <3

[Ray’s POV]  
After sitting with Ryan for a while I decided to go get dressed, I took my time in getting dressed, trying to avoid the decision I figured was coming. I’d been fighting with myself internally over it. If I chose Ryan, I was labelled as a traitor, if I chose Geoff I would be breaking Ryan’s heart, and there was no way I could do both, and I didn’t want to be a traitor, so I had to be a heart breaker. Turning when I finished dressing, I watched Ryan open the door to the crew. I hadn’t expected them so soon. I stayed in the hallway as I watch the scene before me. Geoff raised his gun to Ryan and began to speak. 

“You listen to me Ryan Haywood. You so much as /ever/ set foot on 636 property, I’ll blow your brains out.” He said, looking to me.

I watched Ryan glance between Geoff and I, his hands still raised in the air. This was it, I knew this is where I made my choice. I saw the question in Geoff’s eyes. Silently, I stepped into the room and hung my head as I crossed to the Fake AH Crew. The room was so quiet I swore I heard Ryan’s heart break. My loyalties were decided, even with how much it hurt. After Geoff lowered his gun, we all left. 

I sat in silence for a long time after returning to 636, and it didn’t go unnoticed by anyone in the house. Everyone tried to get me to speak, but nothing worked. I felt awful, I felt like I’d betrayed the only person I trusted. Standing, I went into my room and out to the fire escape, leaning back against the wall to be alone. I’d only ever cried in front of Ryan, and I wasn’t about to do it on my own with the risk of someone finding me. 

When I calmed down, I sat down and took control of the TV from Gavin. He did protest a bit, but with one deadly look he shut up and went to find Meg. I flipped through the channels, stopping on the news. I sat up, interested in the footage that was playing out. It wasn’t until I saw the mask did it click who it was. 

“Ryan!” I said, startling everyone. 

“What?” Jack asked, looking over. 

“Ryan’s in a shootout with the cops!” I said, pointing to the TV. 

“I’ll be damned.” Michael said. 

I sat on the edge of the seat, unable to be comfortable. I jumped up when I saw Ryan collapse, and ran out of the house. I didn’t care that I wasn’t sure where Ryan was exactly, but I was going to find him. Now that I was running I had no plans on stopping until I found Ryan. I searched and searched, unable to find him in the area I thought he was in. I stopped and hunched over, panting. Standing up, I started walking towards the LSPD, in hopes they could help me without recognizing who I was.

I walked inside the police department, feeling really nervous. I walked up to the desk, hands shaking. I needed to find Ryan, I had to even if he hated me, and I felt like I owed him this. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, waiting for someone to help me.

“Can I help you?” An officer asked. 

“I was wondering if you had any information on James Haywood?” I asked, chewing my lip. 

I was still nervous someone would recognize me, after all the Fake AH Crew was the most wanted crew in Los Santos. Keeping my head down as much as I could, I waited for any sort of information. 

“Our officers shot him down about half an hour ago, he’s in the hospital.” The same officer said. 

“Could you tell me which one?” I asked, looking over my shoulder. 

After getting the information that I wanted, I started towards the hospital, hands shaking. I stood outside for a long time hands shaking, finally I went inside and up to the front desk, requesting Ryan’s room number. After getting it, I made my way back to his room I looked in the window at Ryan. He looked awful hooked up to the various machines, he’d taken two bullets, one to the head and one to the chest, and by some miracle was still alive. I went inside and sat down at his side, taking his hand in mine, sitting in silence for a moment.  
Finally I spoke up.

“Ryan, if you hear me, please, wake up. You have to wake up. You can’t just give out on me now, do you understand me? You are James Ryan Haywood. You are the Mad King. You are — were — part of the most feared crew in Los Santos. Please, Ryan. I’m begging you. Open your eyes. Open them and look at me. I need you Ryan. I know this is my fault, I know this is because I broke your heart. Ryan, I can’t… I can’t live without you. Please, Ryan. Wake up.” I said, tears in my eyes. “I love you James Ryan Haywood, I love you so much it hurts.” I added, dropping my head to the mattress. 

It wasn’t long after I dropped my head to the mattress did I feel Ryan’s hand move. I sat up, in hopes that something good was happening. I was right to hope, because Ryan was moving.

“Ryan.” I breathed. “You’re awake.” I added, tearing up.

I watched Ryan smile at me, squeezing my hand.

“I am, I couldn’t let go.” He said. “I mean, c’mon. I’m James Ryan Haywood. I’m the mad king.”

Hearing Ryan repeat back some of my words drew a laugh from me. He’d heard what I said. I’d gotten through to him and he woke up, I woke Ryan up and that felt amazing.


	7. I'm awake my love, please don't cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Of course I did.” I said, reaching up with my free hand and wiping his tears away. “I’m awake my love, please don’t cry.” I added.   
> I didn’t care if he was loyal to the Fake AH Crew, I still loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter seven!! <3   
> I may bring it to a close soon, I don't know.  
> As always, Read and Review? <3

[Ryan’s POV]

I managed to make about an hour’s worth of mischief before LSPD showed up. Laughing manically as I fired off shots, I watched them drop like flies. The rookies always forgot the bulletproof vests, taking cover, I reloaded, beginning to blind fire. Standing up and walking forward, I continued to fire, my laugh growing louder and louder as I fired. Once I ran out of ammo in my AK47, I switched to my pistol to make my last stand. I grunted when I was hit twice, I fell to the ground and tried to make out my surroundings, but everything quickly faded into black.

I remembered being in an ambulance at one point, because I remembered hearing voices and various machines. My heart must have given out a couple of times, because I remembered feeling shocks. I wasn’t sure what was making me hang on to the last little bit of life I had, but something within me was telling me it was the part of me that was in love with Ray. I must have drifted in and out after they restarted my heart the second time, because I remember seeing the ceiling of a hospital and I remember passing through doors, but the doors are the last thing I remember, because once more the world went black.

After the world went black, I was left with my thoughts and memories. I tried to force myself to wake up, but I wouldn’t. My memory of joining the crew and getting involved with Ray was the one that stood out to me, it was two separate memories at one point, but I liked to consider it as one memory.

[RYAN’S FLASHBACK.]  
“I’ll be damned, Ryan fucking Haywood.” Geoff said, sitting next to me. “I thought you said you were gonna leave Los Santos and take reign of another town.” He added, ordering a drink. 

I had just laughed, shaking my head. Geoff and I had teamed up for a few jobs before he disappeared to make his dream of forming a crew a reality. “And I thought you were gonna leave Los Santos to make that crew a reality, Geoff.” I said, knocking a drink back, turning and leaning on the bar.

“I’ve been a few places, here and there mostly.” He said, looking down into his drink, taking long slow drinks from it. “Met a few people, started the crew. You might like these guys you know.” He added.

I snorted and looked at him. “Who exactly did you meet?” I asked, running a hand through my hair. It was the first time I’d let it go long and was testing the waters. “And why would I like them?” I asked.

He explained why he thought I’d like each one of them. They all had psychotic tendencies, and that was my sort of thing, so I’d agreed to meet them. Once I was inside the place they’d been staying, I raised a brow as they introduced their selves. 

Jack Pattillo was the expert driver, he was from Texas, just like Geoff, he’d relocated to Los Santos to hide out and ended up deciding to join the crew. Michael Jones was a kid out of New Jersey, hot headed and great with explosives, he could help when creating distractions. Gavin Free was a kid out of the UK, down in Los Santos after getting in contact with Geoff himself about the crew, Geoff didn’t have the slightest idea how word had gotten that far, but Gavin, despite being clumsy, was focused when it came to serious business. Then there was the newest addition, Ray Narvaez Jr, a kid out of New York with a bad attitude on some days, depending when you started talking to him, but he was fucking beautiful and I wanted him to be mine.

It wasn’t long after that did I say yes to Geoff’s offer, if I wanted to get to know Ray I had to be part of the crew. Once I was well mixed with the crew, I decided to get close to Ray. When we would plan heists, I would often team with Ray because the kid was as crazy as I was sometimes, he enjoyed murdering people when he needed to take out his anger. It was after our biggest heist when it happened, Ray and I were speeding down the high way trying to lose the cops, still running on the adrenaline of the heist. 

We laughed some as we pulled over, celebrating getting away with the money. We’d escaped with $200,000 and would have to split it between all six of us, but we didn’t care. We’d managed to get out without getting hurt. Before I knew it, I had the younger male in my lap and his lips were on mine. I didn’t care that my face paint was getting messed up, I was finally getting what I wanted, the only reason I’d joined the crew, I was making Ray Narvaez Jr mine. 

[END FLASHBACK]

Ray speaking was the first thing that I heard in my ears when I came out of my memory. “Ryan, if you hear me, please, wake up. You have to wake up. You can’t just give out on me now, do you understand me? You are James Ryan Haywood. You are the Mad King. You are — were — part of the most feared crew in Los Santos. Please, Ryan. I’m begging you. Open your eyes. Open them and look at me. I need you Ryan. I know this is my fault, I know this is because I broke your heart. Ryan, I can’t… I can’t live without you. Please, Ryan. Wake up.” He said “I love you James Ryan Haywood, I love you so much it hurts.” He added, dropping his head to the mattress I was laying on. 

Hearing his voice gave me the push I needed to wake up, and I let him know by moving my hand. Slowly, I came to the lights bright in my eyes. 

“Ryan.” Ray breathed. “You’re awake.” He added, tearing up.

I smiled at him, squeezing his hand. 

“I am, I couldn’t let go.” I said. “I mean. C’mon, I am James Ryan Haywood. I’m the mad king.”

He laughed some as I repeated the words back to him.

“You heard me?” He asked, tears on his cheeks.

“Of course I did.” I said, reaching up with my free hand and wiping his tears away. “I’m awake my love, please don’t cry.” I added. 

I didn’t care if he was loyal to the Fake AH Crew, I still loved him.


	8. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lifting my chin once more, Ryan pressed his lips against mine for a long moment before he pulled back and spoke.   
> “Sometimes second chances are all that’s needed to set things straight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8!   
> Sorry it's so late, I'm a college kid with important college things to do :P   
> No, but seriously. Sorry.   
> Life smacked me in the face and said 'HERE! DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES AND BECOME DEPRESSED ONCE MORE'   
> But uh, y'know. I dealt with it and kicked life in the balls.   
> I might go two more chapters?   
> I'm not sure.

[Ray’s POV]

In the months following Ryan’s recovery, I was by his side and I made sure no one gave me shit about it. Ryan needed me and I knew that he knew I needed him. He hadn’t suffered too much damage, even with a shot to the head. Though they did say he’d probably have some slight memory loss. This meant I got to see Ryan at his best and his worst, there were days he remembered me and the crew, and there were days that he didn’t remember me at all. The days he didn’t remember me, I kept my distance until everything fell into place in his head and he got what bits went missing back. 

It was hard watching him forget even the simple things that should be natural to him, like firing a gun, or even tossing a knife. He struggled every day and it killed me on the inside, because I had to watch him deal with it, and sometimes he got so frustrated he cried all I could do was cry with him. There were nights he had to write down things so he remembered them. The thing I found him writing the most was ‘I love Ray Narvaez Jr’ it was heart breaking, but some part of me, whatever it was, found it beautiful.

I often ended up staying up all night so he didn’t leave and forget where he was supposed to return to. When I felt he was in a good place, I left back to 636 and didn’t return for a couple of days. It was about four days later when I got a call from Ryan about 3 am. Rolling over I answered my phone.

“Ryan?” I asked, yawning. 

“Ray. I don’t…I can’t remember what happened, I just stepped out for a walk and now I’m covered in blood and on the run from the cops, please help me.” Ryan said. 

He sounded like he was still running judging from the sounds in the background, after asking him where he was I got out of bed and dressed, leaving via the fire escape. I ran down the streets of Los Santos, and finally managed to spot Ryan. I grabbed his hand and took off running, dodging bullets as best I could, I didn’t realize I’d been hit in the shoulder until we were hiding under an over pass and Ryan pointed it out. 

“Ray, you’re bleeding.” He said, looking panicked.

Glancing to my shoulder, I swore beneath my breath and sighed. “You’re right.” 

“Should we do something about it?” He asked. 

Shaking my head, I looked around the corner and made sure there were no more cops around us. Taking Ryan’s hand, I pulled him out from under the over pass and we ran back to 636. It took us about 20 minutes to get there, once we were there we went up the fire escape and into my room, I pulled off my jacket and tossed it aside, heading into the bathroom after pulling off my shirt. I looked into the living room to see everyone awake. I caught Jack’s attention and he came over. 

“What’s up Ray?” He asked. 

“Listen, Ryan’s here, because he’s in trouble with the cops. He’s in my room right now, I need you to keep that a secret between us, and I also have a bullet in my shoulder from going to get him.” I explained. 

Jack did as promised and kept his mouth shut about Ryan being in 636, and got the bullet out of my shoulder for me. Even though Jack kept his mouth shut, it was Gavin who blew Ryan’s cover. He was walking down the hallway and did a very Gavin like surprised squawk when he saw Ryan in my room. I was startled when Geoff grabbed me by the collar and shoved me against the wall.   
“You son of a bitch, why’s he here?” He asked me. 

“Because he’s on the run and couldn’t go back to his place, Geoff don’t make me fucking punch you!” I yelled. “Look, whether you like it or not, I’m always gonna be associated with Ryan in some way! Whether it be as a crew member or his fucking boyfriend!” I added, earning myself a fist to the nose. 

“You decided where your loyalties were, Ray. And they were right here with us.” Geoff said. “Why are you changing them?” He asked. 

Clenching my fists I waited before I answered. “I’m changing them because he deserves a second chance. He deserves a second chance at being a crew member and I deserve a second chance to love him.” I said, wiping the blood from my nose. “If you can’t understand that, then I don’t want to be part of this crew anymore.” I added, shoving him off me. 

Without a second glance behind me, I walked out the door and didn’t turn back. I knew Ryan was following me because I heard him catch up to me. He grabbed me by the wrist and turned me around.

“Ray, stop.” He said. 

I kept my face away so he wouldn’t see that tears of frustration were on my cheeks. 

“Ray, look at me.” He said, turning my face to his, keeping his finger under my chin. “I understand you want me to have my second chance to be part of the crew, but Geoff won’t allow it, I switched my loyalties and I shouldn’t have. I understand why he’s doing it. You can’t really expect him to grant you what you want just because you feel like I deserve it.” He added. 

“You don’t get it Ryan!” I yelled, the tears flowing faster down my face. “You really don’t fucking get it! I never wanted this! I never wanted you to be a traitor! I never wanted Geoff to be angry at you because of this! I never wanted to be heart broken in the first place! Hell, I never wanted to fall in love!” I admitted, crossing my arms. “But it happened, I fell in love with you and I knew better because every time I’d fallen in love before you, they all did the same thing, they broke my heart.” I said, turning my face to the floor.

Lifting my chin once more, Ryan pressed his lips against mine for a long moment before he pulled back and spoke.   
“Sometimes second chances are all that’s needed to set things straight.”


	9. The End?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will, I promise.” I said. “We need to find our place in this world first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Chapter nine, sorry it's so late.  
> I'm doing one more chapter then this is over!  
> I enjoyed writing it, it was really great.  
> If you don't want me to end it, then let me know. Because I will keep writing if you guys want me too.

[Ryan’s POV]

My recovery seemed to take forever, sure I had Ray by my side, and he made sure no one gave him any shit over it. I needed him, and I knew he needed me. I was thankful I still had basic functions like walking and talking because I don’t know what I would do without them. I knew I had slight memory loss, because there were days when Ray seemed like a stranger to me. I was scared to approach on the days that I couldn’t remember him. But it seemed like he kept his distance too, so I was thankful for that even when I didn’t remember him. 

I seemed to forget the simplest things, like knife throwing or firing a gun. I struggled and I got angry, sometimes I got so frustrated I ended up in tears. I hated it, but it was something I had to deal with. Most nights I ended up writing down things so I remembered them, a common one being ‘I love Ray Narvaez Jr’ it was tragic, and beautiful at the same time to me. Because something anyone else would remember easily, I had to struggle to remember. 

Ray stayed up all night most of the time, so if I tried to leave he could stop me in the event that I did leave and I couldn’t remember where I’d gone to. I had a string of good days when Ray felt he was ready to go back to 636, I told him I would be fine to leave alone, so he didn’t return for a couple of days. It was about 3 am when I called Ray. 

“Ryan?” He asked, yawning. 

“Ray. I don’t…I can’t remember what happened, I just stepped out for a walk and now I’m covered in blood and on the run from the cops, please help me.” I said. 

I stayed hiding waiting for Ray, I couldn’t remember what had happened after I went for a walk. Had I been on my way home? Did someone try to start a fight? I didn’t know, but then again, even without injury there were points when my psychotic persona, The Mad King, took over. So I figured that’s what had happened. When Ray found me, he grabbed my hand and we took off running. We dodged bullets as fast as we could, but Ray still managed to get hit. I pointed it out to him.

“Ray, you’re bleeding.” I said, looking panicked.

Glancing to my shoulder, He swore beneath his breath and sighed. “You’re right.” 

“Should we do something about it?” I asked. 

He shook his head as he looked around the corner to double check there were no more cops looking for us. Once he was sure that no one was around we took off for 636. After 20 minutes of weaving through the streets of Los Santos, we climbed up the fire escape and into Ray’s room. I knew if I was seen that Geoff would kill me, so I stayed back while he went across to the bathroom. I heard him converse with Jack.

“What’s up Ray?” Jack asked. 

“Listen, Ryan’s here, because he’s in trouble with the cops. He’s in my room right now, I need you to keep that a secret between us, and I also have a bullet in my shoulder from going to get him.” Ray explained.

Jack helped Ray out and dug the bullet out of his shoulder, and kept his promise to stay quiet about me being in Ray’s room. Unfortunately, it was Gavin that exposed me. He was walking down the hallway and gave a surprised squawk when he saw me. I guess that alerted Geoff because I heard the argument start. 

“You son of a bitch, why’s he here?” He asked Ray.

“Because he’s on the run and couldn’t go back to his place, Geoff don’t make me fucking punch you!” Ray yelled. “Look, whether you like it or not, I’m always gonna be associated with Ryan in some way! Whether it be as a crew member or his fucking boyfriend!” He added, earning himself a fist to the nose. 

“You decided where your loyalties were, Ray. And they were right here with us.” Geoff said. “Why are you changing them?” He asked. 

Ray clenched his fists before he answered. “I’m changing them because he deserves a second chance. He deserves a second chance at being a crew member and I deserve a second chance to love him.” He said, wiping the blood from my nose. “If you can’t understand that, then I don’t want to be part of this crew anymore.” He added, shoving him off.

Ray didn’t even glance back as he left, he didn’t even turn back. I ran after him quickly, catching up to him quickly. Grabbing his wrist, I turned him around. 

“Ray, stop.” I said. 

He kept his face away, and I knew he had tears of frustration were on his cheeks. 

“Ray, look at me.” I said, turning his face to mine, keeping my finger under his chin. “I understand you want me to have my second chance to be part of the crew, but Geoff won’t allow it, I switched my loyalties and I shouldn’t have. I understand why he’s doing it. You can’t really expect him to grant you what you want just because you feel like I deserve it.” I added. 

“You don’t get it Ryan!” He yelled, the tears flowing faster down his face. “You really don’t fucking get it! I never wanted this! I never wanted you to be a traitor! I never wanted Geoff to be angry at you because of this! I never wanted to be heart broken in the first place! Hell, I never wanted to fall in love!” He admitted, crossing his arms. “But it happened, I fell in love with you and I knew better because every time I’d fallen in love before you, they all did the same thing, they broke my heart.” He said, turning his face to the floor. 

I didn’t hesitate to life his chin again, pressing our lips together for a long moment before I pulled away and spoke. 

“Sometimes second chances are all that’s needed to set things straight.” I whispered.

Judging from the look on Ray’s face, he knew I was right, he just had to accept that fact. I studied his face for a long moment trying to read it. Sometimes Ray was an open book, other days he was so closed off, today he was so closed off it was hard to understand what he was thinking. I moved my hand to his face and ran a thumb over his cheek. 

“Ray, we have to trust that fact.” I whispered.

“I know we have to trust that, Ryan. But it’s hard to make Geoff understand that. You know how he is, and I want you to be by my side forever. I need you back in the crew. I need you, Ryan. I know I’ve said it before. Please, come back to us.” He said. 

“I will, I promise.” I said. “We need to find our place in this world first.”


	10. This is not the end. This is never the end.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I found myself speechless as I nodded, watching him stand up and kiss me as he pulled away I could only smile, because I knew with my whole self that we were no where near the end of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Last chapter.

[Ray's POV]

"Ray, we have to trust that fact." Ryan whispered.

"I know we have to trust that, Ryan. But it's hard to make Geoff understand that. You know how he is, and I want you to be by my side forever. I need you back in the crew. I need you, Ryan. I know I've said it before. Please, come back to us." I said.

"I will, I promise." Ryan said. "We need to find our place in this world first."

Hearing Ryan say that we needed to find our place in this world gave me enough hope to be sure I wouldn't be lost. After calming down some, I made my way back to 636 and sat Geoff down. He wasn't happy with me. I saw the look on his face.

"Look, Geoff, I am happy with Ryan." I said. "I have someone I can count on to not betray me and you're only making me think twice about my loyalties if you keep trying to keep me away." I added. "Please, understand Geoff. I can't be away from him."

I chewed my lip as he looked at me, looking as though he was in thought. I didn't like the look on his face because it made me think he was gonna forbid me from seeing him. I was hesitating to tell him that I wanted to free lance with Ryan, lend our help when they needed, of course, I'd have to talk to Ryan about it.

After we sat in silence for sometime, Geoff looked at me. I stood up because I knew that face, I was scared and ready to run. But the words that came out his mouth were what made me hold my place on the floor.   
"I've been thinking about it, Ray. For a long time. You deserve him." Geoff said.

I blinked in disbelief because holy shit, Geoff Ramsey was agreeing with something that was not being said by his second in command.

"What?" Everyone, including myself, asked.

I was prepared to hear Michael lose it at Geoff but the other seemed to be in just as much shock as I was.

"You heard me, he can have his happiness with Ryan." Geoff said, going to get a glass of Whiskey. "Why keep the kid from something he deserves? I mean it would be unfair to keep him from Ryan." He added. "Keeping Ray from Ryan would be like keeping Michael from Lindsay or Gavin from Meg." He continued, before knocking back the glass of whiskey in his hand. "I can't do it." He finished.

After hearing Geoff's words, I packed my stuff, said my goodbyes and left to meet Ryan. Once I met him, I went over to him and shared the good news. We went to a local restaurant and talked. We agreed to get out of town and start fresh.

-A few months later-

Everything had been going well in the months following my departure from the Fake AH Crew, Ryan and I moved to a city where we could get away from our reputations and clear our names. We felt normal for once. We were walking in the local park, laughing together when Ryan stopped me. "Rye?" I asked, looking at him. What he did next blew my mind, he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring box.

"Ray, you make me a better person I don't wanna loose you. I wanna love you forever. Marry Me?" He asked.

I found myself speechless as I nodded, watching him stand up and kiss me as he pulled away I could only smile, because I knew with my whole self that we were no where near the end of us.


End file.
